Finally far enough away from the Christmas frenzy where I second guessed myself several times on what gifts I had gotten, removed from the failed attempts to fulfill New Year’s resolutions of losing weight and working out more (hard to do when you’re sick on the couch) and on my way out of the winter doldrums (it’s almost February!), I feel like I can assess my goals, appreciate how far I’ve come and renew my faith that God has indeed chosen me to write contemporary novels based on His stories in the Old Testament.
You see, I question that calling occasionally – when I’m in the “valley” and my dream of being a full-time author and speaker isn’t being realized fast enough (to pay the bills at least). And with my doubts comes the voice of the enemy in my ear, whispering “who do you think you are that God would choose you to write these books?” and “maybe you should re-focus on something else since this isn’t working too well,” and “you’re just being selfish in pursuing your desires.” When I’m on the mountaintop of confidence and faith (alright, it’s still January so perhaps the hilltop!) instead of down in the valley of self-pity, I see the true source -what I’d call ego in reverse or false humility – and I can say “get behind me Satan” and keep on doing the next right thing.
After all, God chose Moses, speech impediment and all, to be His prophet to the Israelites, leading them through the desert for forty years no less! He chose Paul, not a very well-liked guy by any means, to preach to the Gentiles. And He led Mary and Joseph to a manger where animals lived for the birth of His Son. We learn from those stories that God chooses us too with all of our imperfections (for me it’s usually impatience, competitiveness and sometimes even arrogance) to use us to complete His perfect plans, turning our defects into assets (like drive, determination and boldness respectively in my case).
While singing in church yesterday, I remembered something I had heard recently about how we should be joyful and enthusiastic in our praise and worship, and sang with all of my heart, soul and voice (and fortunately we sang songs I knew and loved!) I probably didn’t sound as great to others as I sounded in my own ears, but I think God appreciated the effort!
I believe God put my dreams on my heart and as long as my motives are pure, He will work through me, imperfections and all, to achieve His perfect will. After all, that is His promise! “Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.” (Prov. 16:3)